K hole...

"You always remember your first time. Not the first time you did it, necessarily, but the first time it really mattered"`Anonymous 

Like in a K hole I look and see myself from the side.

I am coming out of my body losing control of my mind.

This image of me seems so ridiculous now

I have to get back inside but I forget how.


The last line is gone, and I'm appalled with denial.

I know what comes next but I'll pretend for a while.

I concentrate hard: "what can I do?"

But no clear thoughts can now flow through.


Good-bye reality as I go insane

The serotonin now has altered the brain. 

Its all a conspiracy, just a big trip

Any moment and I'm going to flip:

It's YOU! You did this to me! You're the K!

Your power has knocked me out of my way!

I'm stuck in your K-hole! No time! No space!

My body still feels your body's trace...


Just for today, my pride I will swallow

And swear! And promise! I'll quit you tomorrow!

Oh, I am so ready, GIVE ME THE HIT!

And so here I come, this is IT!



The Ultimate Test


I took the hit, I paid the price

My faith in me was sacrificed 

But here comes the final test 

Perhaps to put all dreams to rest

The tables clear, you offer you

The body's aching, what should I do?

The heart is racing, its picking up the pace

I'm rushing hard, was it a waste?

'cause I remember my withdrawal 

Sleepless nights, the twisting and the sorrow.

With devil on each shoulder

I take a breath, give up, its over...

But what comes next I can't believe

I simply get the strength to leave

'cause in the past I'd do it "one more time"

And I'd be yours but you're not mine.

I seem to make it out alive

This time head first- I will not dive!

The trust is shattered, so am I

I cannot feel, I cannot cry.

And many times when I said yes

We both enjoyed this dirty mess

But it was me who gave it all

And hard against the ground I'd fall

This time I walk but don't you think 

That I forget within a blink.

I guess I pass the addicts test

I lock my heart, its for the best. 



Kicking the Habit


You almost feel cheated, but you knew this would come

The sketch takes over when the high is gone.

You felt prepared but you never are

You knew "one more time" will not take you far.

And so alone you know what to do

Nothing really, you must suffer it through

You scream and constantly ask yourself why

"Because too good, felt the fucking high"

Different person different story?

And yet again you find yourself sorry.

Time, time alone will take it away

Please move faster, you hear yourself pray. 






 

Helpless...

Sketching inside your tight grip:

How did I get to be on this trip?

You lured me in dirty, I am on a buzz!

I wanna say no but I just cannot pass.

My mind is rushing along with your hands.

Hold me close with no further demands.

Hold me tight,

You know I won't fight.

I'm past the point of no return

But with morning light you know'll be gone.

And with daylight there will be withdrawal  

Where I will beg and plead for tomorrow

In which I am helpless again in your hands.

For you I'll leave behind all my friends.

Oh, sweet, sketchy dream, can it be?

Will you share this last trip with me?